私たちが結婚したとき,彼女も私も,婚前に一度もセックスの経験がなかった。私たちは,セックスを経験したことがない夫婦が明らかに常にそうであるように,セックスの開始にあたって,ある程度の困難を経験した。私は,多くの人たちが,性的未経験が新婚旅行を試練の時(楽しくないもの)にした,と話しているのを聞いたことがあるが,私たちの場合はそのような経験はしなかった。なかなか難しくはあったが,(初夜における)困難さは,私たちには,単に滑稽に感じられただけであり,間もなく克服した。しかし私は,結婚して3週間たったある日,性的疲労に影響され,彼女が嫌になり,どうして彼女と結婚したいなどと思うようになったのかわからなくなったことを,記憶している。このような心境は,ちょうどアムステルダムからベルリンヘ赴く旅の間じゅう続いたが(訳注:1月~3月,ラッセルは,ベルリン大学で経済学を学ぶために,アリスとともにドイツに旅行)それ以後は,二度とそのような気分は経験しなかった。 |
Alys and I were married on December 13, 1894. Her family had been Philadelphia Quakers for over two hundred years, and she was still a believing member of the Society of Friends. So we were married in Quaker Meeting in St Martin's Lane. I seem to remember that one of the Quakers present was moved by the Spirit to preach about the miracle of Cana, which hurt Alys's teetotal feelings. During our engagement we had frequently had arguments about Christianity, but I did not succeed in changing her opinions until a few months after we were married. There were other matters upon which her opinions changed after marriage. She had been brought up, as American women always were in those days, to think that sex was beastly, that all women hated it, and that men's brutal lusts were the chief obstacle to happiness in marriage. She therefore thought that intercourse should only take place when children were desired. As we had decided to have no children, she had to modify her position on this point, but she still supposed that she would desire intercourse to be very rare. I did not argue the matter, and I did not find it necessary to do so. Neither she nor I had any previous experience of sexual intercourse when we married. We found, as such couples apparently usually do, a certain amount of difficulty at the start. I have heard many people say that this caused their honeymoon to be a difficult time, but we had no such experience. The difficulties appeared to us merely comic, and were soon overcome. I remember, however, a day after three weeks of marriage, when, under the influence of sexual fatigue, I hated her and could not imagine why I had wished to marry her. This state of mind lasted just as long as the journey from Amsterdam to Berlin, after which I never again experienced a similar mood. |