A friendly interest in persons is a form of affectionateness, but not the form which is grasping and possessive and seeking always an emphatic response. This latter form is very frequently a source of unhappiness.
Source: The Conquest of Happiness, 1930, Chap.6:Envy, by Bertrand Russell.
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When we are young and fall in love with someone, we tend to want to possess the person. We are likely to believe that constantly thinking about the person and wanting to be with them all the time is a sign of deep affection.
However, as we grow older, we come to realize that trying to bind the other person is not an expression of deep love, but rather a reflection of the intensity of our own desires -- and to some extent, it is a form of selfishness.
Some may say, "But isn't it fine as long as the feelings are mutual?" It's true that when a relationship is going well, even possessiveness may not seem so bad. However, excessive concern or attachment to someone you love often becomes a burden to one or both people, and over time, it tends to feel oppressive. It can even become a cause for the fading of romantic feelings.
Those who have passed the stage of adolescence may find themselves resonating with today's quote from Russell: "This latter form [of love] is very frequently a source of unhappiness."
That said, it may not be a good idea to expect such detachment or insight from young people. On the contrary, going through failures, getting hurt, and suffering can themselves be invaluable experiences over the course of a long life.
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